Thursday, May 21, 2009

cheers to you, couch potatoes.

1. Don't move away from home. It's not worth the money, you'll sleep at mom's house 3/4ths of the time anyway and spend every weekend still at the hip high school singles ward.
2. Don't meet new people. You'll only make an effort to be friends with your already friends anyway, and you'll make excuses for most dates you get asked on.
3. Don't go anywhere you might not know someone. Make sure that every event you attend is one filled with only familiar people, like a cool bonfire with high school people.
4. Don't pay any money to do anything fun. When there is tivo, why do you need to leave the house?
5. If you do decide to meet some new people, make sure they live within a 10 mile radius, and that they know the same people you do. Why would you want to waste the gas driving to another zip code? Without mutual friends who will you talk about?
6. Date only those from your hometown. You wouldn't want to end up falling in love with someone not from here- gasp. You might have to... move??? out of... utah??!?!
7. You will sometimes find yourself bored to tears. Playing ping pong for hours and hours and topped off with watching a movie in a basement somewhere. With the same people as last weekend, and the weekend before, and the one before that.
8. When you do meet new people, make sure you look over their facebook page first, before you actually bother having a conversation with them. Find out what they are all about so you don't have to talk to anyone who doesn't seem interesting.
9.When people ask "what's new?" make sure your answer is always, "nothing, my life is boring, i don't do much."

Who needs progression? Not you. Keep it simple. Forever.


  1. bah hahaha i love this. it makes me laugh.

    or lets describe ali... when you live at home make sure that you only hang out with your family because thats what the cool kids who work all day and night do. HAHA lame! jk at least i'm happy being busy right? it counts for something!

  2. hahahaha.
    sarah i love you.
    and i loved this post.
    i even read it to bryce.
    can we play sometime soon?
    i miss you.
    love me.

  3. This is a little harsh.. but true. lets hope a few select individuals dont read this.. thet might cry