Saturday, May 3, 2008

David Horvitz, may I have you for my own?

This is possibly the funniest most giddy-inspiring thing I have heard of all week. Maybe. David Horvitz, an ordinary but creative man has put things up for sale on his website, that are not actual products but things he will do upon your request, with a certain fee attached of course. Let me make this clear: He does it JUST FOR YOU. And will mail you the proof. For instance!

If you give him $1 he says: I will sit in silence and think about you for one minute. I will send you an email when I start this, and I'll send you another email when I'm done. There is a list of all of the people who he has thought about on his website.

If you give him $20 he says: I will go to Coney Island in New York with an envelope and fill it with sand and mail it to you from there. It's not star sand, but it's still Coney Island.

If you give him $437 he says: I will go to Seattle and hang out with my best friend, Naseem. I will send you a photograph of us hanging out everyday. If we fight, and it is inevitable that we will, I will make a video of us apologizing to each other and explaining our position as to why we are angry at the other and how we will resolve the situation. I will post this on Youtube for you. Maybe we won't fight! But we probably will.

If you give him $1,626 he says: I will go to the small Okinawan island called Taketomi and send you an envelope filled with star-sand (don't worry, I've been there before, I know where to go). I will send it from there.

If you give him between $100 to $400 he says: I will find a moon tree and kiss it for you. Do you know what a moon tree is? In 1971 Stuart Roosa was the Apollo 14 Command Module Pilot while his comrades were down on the moon. Stuart, a former smoke jumper, had brought with him hundreds of tree seeds. He wanted to take them to the moon. He wanted to do this because he knew that when he planted the seeds on Earth they would grow as tall as they could because they would want to return to the moon. I will send you a photograph of me kissing a moon tree.


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