Saturday, March 22, 2008

Fight or Flight

As ashamed as I am to admit it, I flew today.

I got to Platinum today at precisely two p.m. and it being my third day I don't have an access card so I knocked on the glass door. Through the window I could only see one girl sitting at a cube directly in front of me, it looked like she had just sat down. She wasn't on a call, her computer wasn't turned on yet. She had wet hair. Pet peeve. She turned around and saw me knocking, and then turned back around. So... I knock again. She turned around again and motioned to someone and a different girl came and let me in the door. I immediately felt a little sheepish around the broad who is still sitting there doing absolutely nothing, as far as I could tell. I looked and saw that my boss Brian was not there. So I looked in the Data Entry area and saw Malerie and Britney and some really annoying kid all training at the same desk and I was like dang. I wish that annoying kid wasn't sitting with them so that I could, but I can just find someone else to watch today. But then I realized that they, and the girl who didn't want to open the door for me were the only ones in that row so I'm like ..NEXT! In the next row of cubes I see this guy, we'll call him X, who isn't a supervisor but he is always helping everyone and i'm thinking he is some type of senior compared to me. So I ask him Are you X? He says yes. So I say I'm Sarah, I'm new and I don't really know where to go because my supervisor isn't here and it looks like there is no one for me to sit with today so maybe I could try being on my own phone as long as there is someone next to me I can ask questions to. So he asks me have I answered any calls, I say about ten or so, and I feel pretty confident. He gets up and looks around to find an empty cube with a computer, and there is only one. I tell him I don't know my logins yet and he says he bets I don't have any. So he says just sit at that computer, and points to one in the corner. So I do. And he walks away. So I sit there and ten minutes goes by. I am twiddling my thumbs, debating, do I get out my brand new strawberry shortcake coloring book and 64 pack of crayons, or is it too soon for coloring? I decide yes it's too soon. So ten more minutes pass and I text a little and then yes ten more minutes go by. I look around the corner of my cube wondering if X is coming back to give me passwords, or what. And I see X sitting back at his desk playing a game I don't recognize on Yes. All of a sudden I realize that I am completely being ignored in every respect of the word. I was shoved into a corner and forgotten about. So I stood up, and walked out the doors, and no one even looked up from their computer. As I walked to my car I was overwhelmed with the urge to cry. I didn't know why because I knew that was stupid but it's just what happened. I will explain to Brian on monday that I didn't know what to do and there was no one to train me and he wasn't there and hopefully he will understand. I am not proud of what I did but I can't take it back. So as I soaked in my bubble bath I was thinking and realized that I was given a choice today, fight or flight. I could have fought my own feelings of humiliation and awkwardness and just pure cluelessness and gone around asking everyone do you know what I should do?? Or I could have ignored my hard feelings toward wet-haired girl and asked to sit with her. But I didn't. I removed myself from the uncomfortable situation that was placed in front of me.

So, I looked up fight or flight because I know I have learned about it time and time again in this health class and that psychology class, but I still didn't remember. And here are some things that pertained to me today.

Inhibition of Lacrimal gland (responsible for tear production) is a symptom. Hello! That is why I wanted to cry. Not because I was sad. Not because I was mad. Because my body wanted to, simple as that.

Also, women are more likely to cope with stress through social support, that is, by turning to others to both give and receive instrumental and emotional aid. This pattern of responding has been called “tend and befriend,” and refers to the fact that during stressful times, women are especially likely to show protective responses toward their offspring and affiliate with others for shared social responses to threat.

Which is exactly what I did, while sitting in that cube, waiting, twiddling my thumbs, I texted Cassidy telling her how I felt out of place and awkward. Then after I walked out to my car, and called her, and ranted and raved about how I had just walked out and how that half an hour had just sucked all of the happiness out of me for the time being.

Wish me luck and pray that I don't lose my job on Monday, my fourth day.

---happy birthday to miss cami p.


  1. HAHAHA X is a supervisor just so you know! Good luck on Monday let me know how it goes!